i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Bring me that man meat
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
