Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was confusing and full of hummus
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
