he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
