Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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