the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
