I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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