Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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