why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She bit a glass in half.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
