this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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