She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
