help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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