yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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