Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
