woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
