wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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