In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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