You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
