My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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