This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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