Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
