I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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