Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
