And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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