Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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