no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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