He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
