I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
