i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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