I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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