there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
