come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The air was thick with penises
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
