I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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