she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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