Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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