just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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