he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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