the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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