I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
