Just cropdusted the office
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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