I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
