I smell stomach acid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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