We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
