i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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