1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
