I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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