We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
