my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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