i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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