I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
