I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
not ubering you a puppy
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
