If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
