He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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