No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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