Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
