Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my poor anus
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
