I can text with my tongue
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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