I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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