If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
