I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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