You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
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Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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