Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It was a blind-side dick pic.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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