At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
