i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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