it hurts more in the daytime
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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