someone threw a dead crab at me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't turn off my feet"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
