So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
