we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
