He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
