Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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