Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
