I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
