I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
