in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
