what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
