And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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