I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
