So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
