Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
