just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think I died a long time ago.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
